(SCHWARZMALEN)
Drawing with Ballpoint Pen and Faber Castel Polychromus
FEB - MAY 2018
Schwarzmalen (German) (v) to naysay, to catastrophise
In November 2017 I’ve started to prepare my final project for my degree, collected the pieces, formed them the way I wanted them, photographed and edited. My general progress. I experimented with paper and did everything in order to start in March 2018. However, in February a well-known artist announced to do precisely the same project. I knew I couldn’t go through with it even after all this time and work because I wasn’t able to compete with someone who has 300k+ followers. I was crushed, I slipped into a hole of negativity and darkness questioning not only my project but my work and myself as an artist. For me, the glass was more than half empty I was caught up in my head in this negativity. I found no words for how I felt, didn’t know how to describe to my friends what I was going through. My words got lost in translation.
Some might know that I’m from Germany, and there is a word to describe my feelings, but the expression wasn’t existing in English: ‘SCHWARZMALEN’. When I tried to explain it, I went for the most literal translation ‘drawing black’, but no one really understood.
I asked myself: why not draw it?
So I started to paint the objects from my original project black, embracing the negativity, the pessimistic and depressing thoughts that SCHWARZMALEN described. I drew black for over a month now, and it was the most creative, emotional and personal project I’ve made to this point.
In November 2017 I’ve started to prepare my final project for my degree, collected the pieces, formed them the way I wanted them, photographed and edited. My general progress. I experimented with paper and did everything in order to start in March 2018. However, in February a well-known artist announced to do precisely the same project. I knew I couldn’t go through with it even after all this time and work because I wasn’t able to compete with someone who has 300k+ followers. I was crushed, I slipped into a hole of negativity and darkness questioning not only my project but my work and myself as an artist. For me, the glass was more than half empty I was caught up in my head in this negativity. I found no words for how I felt, didn’t know how to describe to my friends what I was going through. My words got lost in translation.
Some might know that I’m from Germany, and there is a word to describe my feelings, but the expression wasn’t existing in English: ‘SCHWARZMALEN’. When I tried to explain it, I went for the most literal translation ‘drawing black’, but no one really understood.
I asked myself: why not draw it?
So I started to paint the objects from my original project black, embracing the negativity, the pessimistic and depressing thoughts that SCHWARZMALEN described. I drew black for over a month now, and it was the most creative, emotional and personal project I’ve made to this point.
