TAPESTRY EXCERPT: Scene 8 - Colleen
(CAM and SAMI are sitting in chairs center stage, looking at their laptops, studying.)
SAMI
Cam.
CAM
Sami, do your work.
SAMI
Cam, remember when we were second semester seniors?
CAM
Oh God. Stop, I can’t think about that right now.
SAMI
I know, I know. Someone should have warned us it wouldn’t last. (pause) Okay, study break. Cam let’s look at prom pictures!
CAM
(pauses) Okay, I don’t know why, but I’m down.
SAMI
You first!
(CAM’s laptop screen is projected on the screen behind them.)
CAM
Okay Facebook… Prom… Here we go.
(A picture is projected on the screen.)
CAM
This was all of the girls. (pointing) That was my date.
SAMI
Except for that one dude in there.
CAM
(hesitating) No. Umm. That’s Colleen.
SAMI
Colleen? (realizing her mistake) Oh.
CAM
Colleen and Sara went together.
SAMI
Oh. Wow that’s cool.
CAM
(just sits looking at the picture)
SAMI
Any other ones? I want to see the ones with you!
CAM
Um, is it okay if we just look at yours now? I don’t… I can’t look at these anymore right now.
SAMI
Cam, I’m sorry I thought your friend was a guy. I just didn’t know.
CAM
Yeah, no, I understand. It’s more than that though. But don’t worry about it, let’s just look at yours.
SAMI
Cam, what is it?
CAM
Sami, you’re gonna feel like shit. Let’s just move on.
SAMI
Cam, I know you. It’s going to bother you for awhile so you might as well tell me now. Whatever it is, I want to know.
CAM
(takes a deep breath) You know how I told you that a friend of mine from high school passed away about a month ago? Killed herself?
SAMI
Yes… Oh. Oh, Cam…
CAM
Yeah, it was Colleen.
SAMI
Shit. Wow I’m such an idiot. I mean you said, “This is all of the girls…”
CAM
I never thought much about her nonconformity in high school. I admired it. I thought she was really cool for dressing how she wanted, being who she wanted. I didn’t know any other out lesbians in high school, well besides her and Sara.
SAMI
Yes, of course.
CAM
And then after she died I realized how hard it must have been for her. My friends and I loved her, but I can’t imagine the pressure she still felt to be someone she wasn’t. That combined with her depression… I didn’t even know she… (pause) It sucks when you find out too late. (beat) I remember in high school people who didn’t know her sometimes asked me if she was a boy. For some reason that fact that she kept her hair short and rarely wore dresses or makeup or other things they thought girls should wear... made them uncomfortable. Fucking gender norms. Why can’t we just treat people like people, even if they don’t look like us?
SAMI
Can I ask… was she… transgender or gender nonconforming?
CAM
What do you you mean?
SAMI
Like was her biological sex female? That’s cisgendered, when you identify as the gender corresponding to the sex you were born with. Or did she choose to identify that way even though that wasn’t what she was assigned at birth?
CAM
(slowly) No, she was born female. So cisgendered? You sound like you know a lot about this.
SAMI
(at first each time she says a pronoun, she’s very slow and hesitant, but she gets more comfortable steadily) My little brother just changed his, well, their pronouns. To “they, them, their”.
CAM
What?
SAMI
They’re a senior in high school. I’m… I’m still not used to it. Sometimes I just wish he could be normal again...
CAM
You wish your brother just had… cisgendered pronouns? He, him, his?
SAMI
People are awful, Cam. They’re awful to people who are different… It’s not safe--
CAM
Don’t you feel like you should support them? Help them be who they want to be?
SAMI
Your friend died, Cam. She ki-
CAM
She was constantly being asked to be something she wasn’t, Sami!
SAMI
I need to protect my little brother! I can’t let him (pause) them -- be bullied to death!! They get so much HATE at school, Cam! I know that they come home crying some days. On good days, boys will only look at them uncomfortably in the bathroom. On the bad days… it’s worse.
CAM
I know that colleges are just beginning to show support for transgender and nonconforming students... I can’t imagine how it is in high school.
SAMI
There’s nothing. And my parents don’t know how to be supportive. They had a five day standoff over whether my brother could wear makeup to homecoming. They finally let them wear it, (this is the most heartbreaking line, and should be said as such) but dropped them off at a friend’s house for group pictures without even getting out of the car, because they didn’t want to see the other parents’ faces.
CAM
Sami, I’m sorry.
SAMI
(quietly) Five people I know have died or almost died in the past year. Suicide, or car accidents, or they were apparently really sick. And in the trans community, the suicide rate… it’s terrifying. Almost half of the people my brother’s age who identify transgender or nonconforming try to end their lives. My brother is 40% more likely than the general population to want to die.
CAM
(struggling to find words) That is… that is beyond unacceptable. Nobody should have to risk that much to be themselves.
SAMI
And I’m starting to realize that anyone can be gone at any time and then that’s it. There’s nothing you can do.
CAM
(beat) I spent a week listening to Colleen’s favorite music. I made my cover photo a picture with her. I talked to my friends from high school, and wrote about her. I talked to a therapist, too, actually, after I couldn’t make myself go to class for a day, or any of my meetings. You can get free counseling around campus… There’s a thing called Let’s Talk…
SAMI
Did it help?
CAM
(shrugs) I’m glad I did it. It didn’t hurt. I’m not past it yet though, clearly.
SAMI
I don’t think you’re supposed to get past people dying.
CAM
I thought looking at prom pictures would be fine.
SAMI
That’s my fault.
CAM
It’s okay, Sami. (beat) Your little brother will be fine. They just need to know that people are behind them and fighting for them.
SAMI
(resisting) I need to actually support them. My parents need to actually support them. I never want my brother to feel alone.
CAM
I think when we love people, it’s hard to figure out how to best protect them.
SAMI
I guess. (pause) They paint their nails. When I go home, we can paint our nails together. (pause again, laughs) I’m terrible at painting my nails. Maybe they can help me.
CAM
(smiling) You’re a good sister, Sami. It’s a good start.
(End scene.)
Collaborative credits to J. Ray. In loving memory of An Ton.
