You had one vice but I had two

Alcohol and you

Both things I know I need to limit in order to keep my logic in plain view

 

boy you had me consuming whole bottles of wine 

thinking if I drank enough I’d be completely fine 

downing it all just to numb the memory of us, but making me further lose my mind

 

Isn’t it crazy how we broke up over 6 months ago?

But only two ago I was still visiting your car’s backseat for that afterglow

and almost every time we said goodbyes it ended with tears and more of your elaborate lies, I know

 

you were my favorite addiction

but I can’t help but feel that your only fix was marijuana for self restriction

Anything you could do to escape the unsaid boundaries you forced our relationship to, like a conviction 

 

I told you I had a no contact journal

things and thoughts but in reality it’s all internal

full of my screams and cries that I wish only earlier you’d heard but only answered with effortless tries and no thought of the eternal 

 

listen, I might change my hair and I might change my religion 

I know you’ll probably hear about it through the grape vine or a fucking messenger pigeon 

but don’t you dare think it’s because of you because you are lowly and the furthest human from holy religion

 

You treated me like I was temporary

clearly stating to others that you had no intention to marry

All while telling me you were simply people pleasing, going on and on like a canary

 

regularly talking shit and shitting on my name 

caring more about your family fame 

but that says a lot more about you than me, how lame

 

I could look in a mirror and still would look for you

But I still would ponder and guess what was and wasn’t true

because I’ll never know the real you 

 

 

don’t get me wrong, my heart will always be addicted to you

But life’s rehab has taught me I’m far better off without you 

and thank God I’m finally starting to feel brand new

 

SC