The violation of the friend code

Have you ever been caught in the middle of a complicated love triangle? you must tiptoe yourself through the situation if you do not want to risk hurting the feelings of those you care for the most. Unfortunately for some of us, even the actions that are done with the best intentions, are not always perceived as such, and if you are like me, even at the lightest of times, we are reminded of our guilt.

Just like a shadow, there is always a feeling of betrayal and hypocrisy haunting me wherever I go but unlike the others, this shadow appears all day and night. It is a reflection of me but it cannot be seen by others, it is inside of me. It engenders an internal pain I can't quite touch and yet I can sense how it intensifies as time grows old. It is too minuscule for my body to do something about but impactful enough to be responsible for a catastrophic collection of emotions to unravel at my feet; as if they could fix the actions their dear friend mouth built with its poisonous lips. Sometimes when I do manage for my mind to escape, and I am happy once again, I am reminded of why I am able to be happy in the first place-the abolishment of a friendship that occurred as a result of my own doing. It disappeared quicker than the sand that's blown by the wind at the beach, carelessly and without hesitation. Moments like these I question whether I really know these morals of which I so proudly speak of. Am I the person who I place in my heart so highly? or am I just in love with the speculation of this perfect false persona I wish I could be?