Holding On & Letting Go
January 2019
I have created a video animation with the intention of bringing attention to grief and to individuals who are experiencing it. As I am one of those people, I have felt that society tends to ignore, misunderstand, and avoid confrontations of grief. The support is undoubtedly appreciated, but there is still so much to be done to provide a safe, comforting, and encouraging environment to those constantly battling with the harsh reality of grief.
Grief is not an enlightenment program for a select few. No one needs intense, life-changing loss to become who they are meant to be. Life is call-and-response. Things happen, and we absorb and adapt. We respond to what we experience, and that is neither good or bad. It simply is. The path forward is integration. I didn't need to loose someone close to become who I am "meant to be." Sure, it taught me some major lessons, but ones I could have learned another way or not at all. I don't wish tragedy on anyone. But, once you are in the trenches with me, we can relate on some things and find comfort in community around it as we learn to integrate and move through every moment of every day.
Grief can destroy you. Or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you are alone. Or you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it.
The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.
Honest Conversation
May 2020
A lot of people shy away from talking about death; they think such conversations are morbid and don’t serve any purpose other than to make people feel uncomfortable. I see it differently: I think that death and life are two sides of the same coin, so whenever we talk about death, we’re also talking about life. Death is the one true certainty of life so why are we so awkward about mentioning it?
Let's have an honest conversation about death. I have created this video of people talking about death openly and sincerely with the intention of bringing attention to grief and the individuals who are experiencing it.
Dying is inevitable but living is not. I recently heard that on a TED talk by Wayne Earl, whose teenage daughter died of cancer and inspired John Green to write “The Fault in our Stars.” He pointed out that death is not the most powerful thing in life — life is the most powerful thing in life. Even after we die love will remain, and go on in the memories of those who knew and loved us. In the words of Thornton Wilder in “The Bridge of San Luis Rey,” “There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning.”
So, I am focused on life and that’s why I want to talk about death. I believe that there are lots of people who are ready to talk about death, dying and end of life issues. They want to rid themselves of the fear of death and make it a part of ordinary conversation – in order to live with greater passion and joy and mindfulness.
May 2020
